Imagine the following: You awake one morning and find your breakfast laid out for you.
"That's funny", you think, "I don't recall asking anyone to lay out breakfast." All the same, there it is - toast, jam, some coffee, and juice. Perhaps you don't like jam? No matter, it's all there, it's quick and easy, and you eat it anyway.
The next morning, something similar happens. Breakfast is laid out, exactly as it was the day before. Coincidence, you think. Fine - scarf it and get on with your day.
After two weeks of identical breakfasts, you decide that a little variety might be good. Besides, you were never particularly fond of jam anyway. You proceed to the pantry to get something else. Maybe some peanut butter, for just a smidge of variety.
Lo and behold! The entire pantry is filled with jars of jam. And it's all that same rather dull flavour you've been eating over the last two weeks. There's dozens of jars, all different shapes and sizes, but inside, all the same mush. Maybe there's some peanut butter buried back there behind all this jam? No time to look, you gotta run for work.
A month goes by. You've pretty much given up on peanut butter, or tea, or milk. Coffee, toast, juice and that stupid infernal jam are all the eye can see. Frustrated, you tear into the pantry again. Jam. Jam. Jam. Jam. Aha! At last! Peanut butter! Great! Thrilled with your discovery, you take your peanut butter to the table, and read the label:
BEST BEFORE JAN 1974.
Damn! Well, I guess I'll just have plain toast.
You begin to wonder who's doing this to you. You write to the jam company. No one replies. You talk to your friends. Most of them have never given the matter thought - it's always been jam for them, and they don't really notice. You send some recipes to the jam company, hoping they'll make something different.
At last! Some headway! The jam company would like to use your recipe, but they find it a bit too outre. Perhaps if they made a few changes, it would appeal to a wider range of people. Since the Jam Co. is a big company, they automatically own the rights to your recipe. Or rather, they don't, but you can't possibly afford to sue Jam Co, so why try? Besides, you might get rich out of this.
A few weeks later, the Jam Co. ships your new breakfast spread. It's very impressive - a totally new jar, bold lettering on the label, everything looks great. You open it up and... it's the same bloody jam!
Thoroughly pissed off, you skip breakfast and go to work. You sit at your desk and try to do your job, quietly fuming. One of your co-workers, noticing your distress, asks you what's wrong. You tell her about the jam. She listens patiently, then smiles and says, "What's the big deal? It's only jam." You want to scream, but you realize that she's not being difficult, she just doesn't know any better.
Now imagine the following: You awake one morning and turn on the radio.
(c) 2001 Patrick McNeil. Distribute freely, but please make no modifications.
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